Bakura: My Disease
by Lynn-chan
Summary: a one-shot fic. I wrote it when I was depressed. If you don't like angst, don't read it. About Ryou and his thoughts about Bakura


I was feeling depressed when I wrote this, so it's a little strange and not very original (I think, I really don't know), it's also my first songfic. . .like you needed to know that. . . -_-;;  
  
Disclaimers: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, it is owned by some Japanese person with a long name, but I am too lazy to get my duel monster cards to look at exactly who it is. MATCHBOX20 owns DISEASE (note; the song is shown like this: *song*) Warnings: Death, abuse, blood, ect.  
  
~*Ryou's POV*~  
  
"Weakling!" his voice echoes deeply in my mind. "Pathetic Fool! Idiot! Rat! Scum!" His words cut me deep. I can remember ever cut scrape and bruise he'd ever given me, but surprisingly they don't hurt, they never hurt, but his words, they slice through me, cutting me open, letting the blood and pain flow out.I don't think he ever did anything to help me. He has crushed me physically, mentally, and spiritually, the pain unimaginable, but I survived. How? I wonder that sometimes. Maybe it's hate, the bitter hatred of him in my heart just kept me going. I want so much to hurt him like he'd hurt me, but maybe, just maybe, it was love. I know it sounds sick and wrong loving someone you hate, but all the same, I love him, and it's killing me. . . I have to let go. . .but I don't think I can. . .  
  
*Feels like you made a mistake  
  
You made somebody's heart break  
  
But now I have to let you go  
  
I have to let you go*  
  
I used to think he could change; maybe I am a fool like he says. He'll never change; I understand that now, yes, I was a fool. Why couldn't I see what he was? That monster, he never cared, why couldn't this be easier, I have to be stronger I have to let go. . .  
  
*You left a stain  
  
On every one of my good days  
  
But I am stronger than you know  
  
I have to let you go*  
  
I would always try my best to please him, but I could never be good enough. What could I do to make him happy? That's all that used to matter to me, his happiness. I tried to give him every thing I had, but it was never good enough. . . he always wanted something more, something I couldn't offer to him, I never wanted to let him down, but I did, and in a strange way that hurt too. . .  
  
*No one's ever turned you over  
  
No one's tried  
  
To ever let you down,  
  
Beautiful girl  
  
Bless your heart*  
  
He's like a sickness that will never be cured; he torments me from the shadows, driving me mad. I begin feeling uneasy, I try to run away, to distance myself from him, to just get away, but he finds me, I tremble as he delivers more numbing abuse and cutting words, will he ever understand? No, I suppose not, he doesn't pay attention, he's just my sickness, my disease. . .  
  
*I got a disease  
  
Deep inside me  
  
Makes me feel uneasy baby  
  
I can't live without you  
  
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it  
  
Keep your distance from it  
  
Don't pay no attention to me  
  
I got a disease*  
  
There were times even he couldn't get out of, if you can think that's possible. That's when he'd leave, no guilt at all, I don't even think he has a conscious, no, I'm sure he doesn't, if he did he wouldn't of left me. . .  
  
*Feels like you're making a mess  
  
You're hell on wheels in a black dress  
  
You drove me to the fire  
  
And left me there to burn*  
  
I wander aimlessly around, wondering what has happened to my life. It used to be wonderful, it must have been wonderful, I think, it was so long ago, before he came, my memories blank, that must be his fault too, he's trying to suffocate me, take control of my life, I think he nearly did. . .  
  
*Every little thing you do is tragic  
  
All my life, oh was magic  
  
Beautiful girl  
  
I can't breathe*  
  
There is a blade of cold steel in my hands, it shimmers in the light, I run my finger over it.sharp, very sharp. . .I'll end it now. . .my strength is waning, I can't hold it back anymore, it must end, it will end, I will end this now, his torture won't rule me anymore. . .  
  
*I got a disease  
  
Deep inside me  
  
Makes me feel uneasy baby  
  
I can't live without you  
  
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it  
  
Keep your distance from it  
  
Don't pay no attention to me  
  
I got a disease  
  
I think that I'm sick  
  
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me  
  
You taste like honey, honey  
  
Tell me can I be your honey  
  
Be, be strong*  
  
A crimson river of blood flows from the sliced veins leading to my wrists. I'm numb, very numb; I can barely feel the handle of the knife in my hands, but all the same my body feels good, oh, so good, to finally know that soon all my pain will be gone, gone forever. . .  
  
*Keep telling myself it that won't take long till  
  
I'm free of my disease Yeah well free of my disease  
  
Free of my disease*  
  
My head is beginning to spin, my temples hurt and I'm finding it harder to stay on my feet. I wobble and limp a bit, now I can see the floor, it's coming closer to my face, am I falling? I suppose I did, for I can now feel the cold floor under me. It's strongly comfortable, so I lie there, unmoving, in perfect happiness, perfect bliss. My ear perks up, I can hear something, and it is so distant, so far away. What is it? I can't tell, the voice, it's calling my name? It's might be him.no he'd never come to help, I must be hearing things. . .  
  
*I got a disease  
  
Deep inside me  
  
Makes me feel uneasy baby  
  
I can't live without you  
  
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it  
  
Keep your distance from it  
  
Don't pay no attention to me  
  
I got a disease*  
  
I think I can see him now. . .it's probably an illusion; my mind playing a dirty trick. My vision is so blurry now, I can't see so well, I can't really tell what's real and what's not. Is he crying? I can see tears. . . were those tears in his eyes for me? Ha, I am kidding myself, he never loved me, never cared, so why should he now, after it has been done? I tell him with the last of my dying strength: Go away, leave me here, let me die, it won't take long, I can feel death coming. . . not long now, 'till I'm finally free, you'll never hurt me again, I'll be free. . .free of you, my disease. Let me die in peace, I don't want to see your face, go on, go away so I can be free. . .  
  
*I think that I'm sick  
  
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me  
  
You taste like honey, honey  
  
Tell me can I be your honey  
  
Be, be strong  
  
Keep telling myself it that won't take long till  
  
I'm free of my disease  
  
Yeah well free of my disease  
  
Free of my disease*  
  
~*End*~  
  
This is probably so stupid and a waist of time for you and me, I don't even think that the song fits, but I had to write something to ease my depression, and it did, so ya.review if you want I personally don't care. 


End file.
